I’m still torn on whether this is the greatest thing I’ve ever done or the stupidest.
ONE DAY PENTHEUS, WHO IS THE KING OF THEBES AND A COMPLETE SHITWEASEL, DECIDES TO BAN WORSHIP OF DIONYSUS.
NATURALLY, DIONYSUS ISN’T AT ALL PLEASED BY THIS. NOT ONE FUCKING BIT. HE PROVOKES ALL THE WOMEN IN THEBES INTO A BACCHIC FRENZY AND THEY TEAR ALL THEIR CLOTHES OFF AND RUN UP THE NEAREST MOUNTAIN TO DANCE.
PENTHEUS COMES HOME TO FIND HIS MUM AND HIS AUNTS MISSING, AND WHEN HE FINDS OUT THAT THEY’RE DANCING AROUND NAKED HALF WAY UP A MOUNTAIN HE’S PRETTY FUCKING ANNOYED. HE GETS HIS MEN TO CAPTURE DIONYSUS AND PUT HIM IN PRISON.
DIONYSUS IS A GOD, SO HE JUST WALKS STRAIGHT OUT OF THE PRISON, AND SITS BACK TO WATCH WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.
PENTHEUS SNEAKS OUT OF THE CITY AND GOES UP THE MOUNTAIN TO PERV ON HIS MUM AND HIS AUNTS. UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM, THEY’RE TEMPORARILY INSANE. THAT’S WHAT A BACCHIC FRENZY DOES. THEY SPOT HIM HIDING IN A BUSH, THINK HE’S AN ANIMAL, AND TEAR HIS ARMS AND LEGS OFF. WITH THEIR FUCKING BARE HANDS.
THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR GETTING IN THE WAY OF DIONYSUS.
so we went to an improv show and we played this game where somebody is given a trait and another player has to guess what it is based on how they answer questions
and one of the players who was a taxidermist was asked “what do you do for a living?” and she replied “oh you know…. stuff” AND TO THIS DAY THAT IS THE GREATEST PUN I HAVE EVER HEARD MY GOD
when i find stretch marks on my thighs i make a point of smooching them because they’re just doing their best at keeping the all-powerful immortal Being within me from ripping my mortal shell asunder in a blaze of heavenly glory and eviscerating the cosmos in my divine wrath
HAHAHA That’s awesome